I have a dream…

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….that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: “We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal.” I think when Martin Luther King, Jr. wrote that, he was also thinking of all the Scottish, green ogres and ogresses out there. Ah, true love. Amen! 

Like this kid has somewhere better to be.

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“Hey gals, can we uh, wrap this up soon? I’ve got a date with my dad’s secretary in an hour.”

When you’re livin’ large, your dance card is always full.

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“Ugh, not here again. I thought I gave her my fake number last time.”

Life can be so hard!

Hey lady, tell us how you really feel about it. 

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Does anyone else hear an animatronic robot yelling in slow motion? “NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!” 

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Is he feeding her a bite of cake or getting ready to perform molar surgery?

OR is she deathly terrified of cake? I’m going to pretend that’s what it is. 

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Such a dainty woman, eating that massive hot dog with her pinky up. Homegirl needs a fork and knife for that thing. You can either handle the intensity of an oversized hotdog, or you can’t. Simple as that. 

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What could be hotter than attempting to remove 47 layers of wedding attire to get it on in the back of a 4-door sedan? Nuthin’ like a bulky crinoline skirt to get you all hot and bothered, 19th century style. I’m pretty sure there’s a reason so many people rent cars like this for their wedding day.